CONTEST TIME: sort of.................... BRYCE HARPER AUTO OMG!!!

So who wants to win a Bryce Harper Rookie autograph? To win this card all you have to do is survive going through this black hole in space that we found and tell us what you experienced as you went through the black hole while asking these top of the line journalistic questions:

Did you see any colors? Was there any feeling of weightlessness? Did you crap your pants and think "this is so not worth getting the card". Did you ask the black hole for it's birth certificate? Did you ask the black hole if it was originally a white hole? Did you ask the black hole if it was created in the TOPPS redemption department or customer service department? Did you ask the black hole if it was on steroids or HGH? Did you ask the black hole if it was from Canada eh? Did you ask the black hole if you could have a sample of it's swirl to make a relic card for 2012 Topps Allen & Ginter? Did you ask the black hole if it was okay to hold a picture of Kim Kardashian's butt next to the black hole to see if there's any comparison (further scientific research showed that no matter how many times it was "probed" the hole could never seem to be filled enough. Now as for the black hole.....well it's an endless vortex that sucks anything in it's path.)?

Bryce Harper's Attitude wins again!

BAT - 1

Bryce Harper - 0

Per ESPN:
"The only downside was an ill-advised swing by their frustrated 19-year-old outfielder. Bryce Harper had a rough night, going 0 for 5 with three strikeouts. After one of the outs, he returned to the dugout and took a frustrated whack at one of the walls in the tunnel to the clubhouse.

Johnson said the barrel of the bat bounced off the wall and hit Harper next to the left eye, causing a gash that, according to the Washington Times, required 10 stitches to close and a welt. He stayed in the game with it bandaged, but was sent for treatment afterward because it was bleeding."

Bryce Harper is going to FAIL

I will only say this about Bryce Harper:

1. For someone who is supposed to be "holier than thou" and even signs his name with a biblical inscription is he really displaying what a Christian should act like? Especially when it's been reported that he has really been a prick to some teammates already and has stated that he should be on the majors level already.

2. I thought Milton Bradley had an attitude.......MOVE OVER and make room for Bryce!

3. This guy is struggling in AA ball and he wants to move up.

4. What's next.....spitting on the Umpire?

my favorite all time baseball "screw ups" list.

Nothing says fun in baseball like scandals and stupidity. Here is my list of players that I felt have earned a position on the Big Kahuna's "Screw ups, Lame Ducks, and other Little Liars of the Baseball Diamond."

CATCHER: Eddie "The Model" Taubensee
Part of the Kenny Lofton trade with the Astro's in the 1990's. I wonder who got the better end of that deal?

PITCHER: Roger Clemens
"It is what it is." Claims to never have used HGH or steroids. Funny......what is a 6-count indictment against "The Rocket" for then? Two of them which include perjury as well. It's not like there is any overwhelming evidence or DNA linked evidence.

RELIEF PITCHER: John "7-Train" Rocker
Between his mouth, racial slurs, HGH use, and whiny little bitch ass....this guy deserves "Hell's Humanitarian of the Year Award."

FIRST BASE: Mark McGwire
"I'm not here to talk about the past."

DESIGNATED HITTER: Rafael Palmeiro
Said he never used steroids at a congressional hearing. 10 days later he failed a pee test by taking stanozolol! OOPS!

SECOND BASE: Pete Rose
The all time "Hit King" had a little problem with tax evasion. I bet he forgot to pay his taxes again. I bet he will never make it to the hall of fame as well. I bet that he will also lose that "Playboy Mistress" of his very soon. Did I happen to mention that he placed bets on baseball games? Did I mention he made bets on his own team? That's just wrong!

SHORT STOP: Miguel Tejada
On February 10, 2009, Tejada was charged with lying to Congress about performance enhancing drug usage in Major League Baseball. On February 11, Tejada pleaded guilty to charges that he lied to Congress in 2005. Also can't seem to get his age right as well.

THIRD BASE: Alex Rodriguez
In a 2007 interview with Katie Couric, Alex Rodriguez flatly denied ever having used performance-enhancing drugs. Some 2-3 years later Mr. Rodriguez made this statement when BALCO was busted: "Back then, baseball was a different culture, as it was very loose. I was young, I was stupid, I was naïve. And I wanted to prove to everyone that I was worth being one of the greatest players of all time. I did take a banned substance. And for that, I am very sorry and deeply regretful."

LEFT FIELD: Manny Ramirez
Let's see......"Prima Donna", HCG user, steroid abuser, con artist.....need I say more? Perhaps Bi-polar even?

CENTER FIELD: Carlos Gomez
Cocky ball player who only enjoys cheering for.........HIMSELF. Acts like he's Gods gift to baseball.

RIGHT FIELD: Gary Sheffield
Very vocal about how much money "he wants" in order to play. Has no respect for other players or fans. Has no respect for himself as he was a steroid user as well.

MANAGER: Bobby Valentine
What manager gets ejected from a game and then returns to the dugout wear a disguise? 

SCUM AGENT: $cott Bora$
"Show me the money!"

HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Barry Bonds (ROIDS)
Milton Bradley (what's next....MMA? Here's the middle finger to you too)
1994 season (strikes suck: Million dollar cry babies)
Michael Jordan (what the heck.....stay in basketball. Besides....your name is not Dion Sanders)
Logan Morrison (self absorbing and arrogant on twitter at times)
Joba Chamberlin (where did the phenom go?)
Carlos Zambrano (I'm gonna punch some gatorade containers and call my coach a cunt)
Hanley Ramirez (takes the time to smell the roses before running to the next base: cocky with a big ego)
Miguel Cabrera (he's going to kill you!)
Bryce Harper (King of Cocky in the making)
Jose Canseco (My God.....he told the truth in his book)

It's over.....Finally done.....It is complete.

Yesterday was the closing of another chapter in my life........helping with coaching my daughter and her softball team mates. Thanks to "Mother Nature" this past spring most of our games had to be rescheduled and since May 16th we have had a game almost every day or prolonged practices. This past weekend wrapped up our playoff system and despite the girls playing their little hearts we couldn't advance past round three. The tournament started on Friday night and we lost the first game but it was a double elimination so we still had a second life to play on Saturday. Well......wouldn't you know it.....it ended up raining on Saturday and everything was moved to Sunday and the time limits were shortened for the games (basically you got to play 3 innings). I will say one thing: little girls are not meant to play ballgames at 8am on Sunday mornings because that means being there at 7 am and let me tell you there are some cranky 7-12 yr olds at that hour. Unfortunately we fell victim to the time frame and lost that game due to it.

My schedule was at an all time high with work, ballgames, practices, chaperoning school trips, tending to the Future Mrs. Big Kahuna, tending to being called into work on my days off, and somehow managing to find a little time to get some sleep in between the craziness. Now I will finally have a chance to get caught back up with everything as my son will be finishing out his ball season on next Friday and then their playoffs begin that following Saturday.

BRIAN-PLAY AT THE PLATE: I received a package in the mail from you on monday and just got to it today. Thank you my friend for filling in my checklists. I will return the favor! BTW Your prize package was shipped out today! Sorry for it being a little late but we wanted to add a few more goodies before it shipped out. The lady at the post office asked how the box could be so heavy for the flat rate priority mail. She asked me if I had weights in it and I said, "No ma'am......just sportscards".

I had emailed a few bloggers requesting some addresses and I did not forget about you! The little surprise packages I have for you are going out the end of the week. I'm just playing catch up with everything and the kids were filling up the bubble mailers today.

BTW.....DID YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND WHY I ASKED IN THE LAST CONTEST I HAD: HOW MANY GAMES WILL IT TAKE TILL BRYCE HARPER GETS SUSPENDED? There is always a reason for the method of my madness. Bryce Harper is Capt. Attitude (especially with that gay porn-stache he was sporting). He's so macho he even blew the pitcher a kiss!

Donald Fehr - Now that you have my money.....LEAVE!

Donald Fehr worked as the director of the MLB Players Association for 26 years and is finally retiring. He's also well known for this: Players' strikes, performance-enhancing drug use and congressional hearings. He was a greedy man. It took the US government stepping in to knock him off his "no big tests needed" campaign. He looked like a winged duck in front of congress while making his presentations. You screwed us fans out of the 1994 World Series. You made the million dollar cry babies. Hope you rot! NEXT TO GO....BUD SELIG and SCOTT BORAS! Oh yeah, Stephen Strasburg and Bryce Harper are clients of Mr. Borass.... I wonder if these names sound familiar...Ben McDonald, Todd Van Poppel, Brien Taylor, and Mark Prior. Ha ha Good times.