Friday, December 11, 2015

Topps redemption blues

I believe that we in some way or another feel a little this way when it comes to Topps and their redemptions so here is a short poem about Topps and their redemptions:

Pulled a redemption card today did we, aren't you excited to see who it will be? Load the numbers up on to the redemption site, then press enter quickly with all of your might. Why is it suddenly saying the code is not valid, you quickly entered the numbers again fully undoubted. The code has expired as the years have come to pass, good luck buddy on pulling any decent cards from our ass. Quick call the BBB, the FBI, the POLICE or my lawyer, Topps customer service has gone out of order. How can they do this to me how can this be, I gave them all my money surely can't you see? "Call us back when we have the power, we have to go as our flight leaves in an hour. We have your money we have your pride, why even bother with us just take it in stride." Damn you Topps and your filthy dirty cheating ways, You're just like that Obama Guy and will bend us over anyways. Now all I can do is grab my ankles and hope for the best, oh look they just sent me an auto of a ballplayer who's under arrest.

T. Hertzog

Saturday, October 24, 2015

My heart bleeds blue.......... appears that the world series for 2015 is set. The #%@^!&* Kansas City Royals against the New York Mets. While I have no doubt that this is going to be a very interesting world series, honestly I was hoping for a Toronto Blue Jays vs NY Mets world series as those are both of my favorite baseball teams. I've always been a die hard Blue Jays and a die hard Mets fan since I was 9 years old and I grew up in the middle of Pennsylvania and with the area I lived in, you're either a Pirates fan or a Phillies fan. I didn't really like either of those teams. It was the players that got my attention of both of the teams that I liked and one of those ball players that stood out to me was a Mets player named, "Mookie Wilson."

The reason I liked "Mookie" so much was because I really liked his style of batting (he was a switch hitter) and honestly in 1983 who else ever really heard of a guy with the first name of "Mookie." I thought at the time maybe he didn't like to be called, "Bill" or "William" as that was his first name. But truly though, another reason I liked Mookie was because like most other kids at that age, Mookie played center field just like I did on my little league ball team and I used to think I could be like Mookie. It was then at that point and time in my life, in the very beginning of the summer time of 1983 that I decided I was going to follow Mookie Wilson and the NY Mets and I have never looked backed.

I can remember when the time came I had decided I was going to tell my mother who my favorite baseball team was and when I did finally tell her she didn't try to persuade me to switch to another team or even have me like her own favorite team (New York Yankees). She just simply said to me, "follow your favorite player and the team that you like and stay dedicated to the team whether they win or lose. Especially if that favorite player goes to another team. Well that was painless and simple coming from Mom I thought to myself. Surely Dad is going to probably say the same thing I thought at the time. Then it came time for me to tell the Old Man who I liked and I remember it exactly how it happened as he was sitting on the end of the couch reading the newspaper (The Daily Item). I remember telling him that I remembered when we both talked about liking baseball and what teams there were and that I decided on a team I was going to follow. I told him that I liked the NY Mets. He slowly lowered the newspaper onto his lap and he just gave me that weird vibey far off stare (the same kind of stare that cats have after they get done licking their butt). You have to understand that my Dad was a Phillies fan......all the way to the bone! So, after a long two minute far off stare (which seemed like eternity), he asks me who it was that I liked from the team and I told him, "Mookie." Now at this point I can remember him looking at me with one of those really head piercing brown eyed stares and then he raised his hand and then pulled his pack of Viceroy cigarettes from out of his rolled up shirt sleeve (he always kept his cigarette packs in his left sleeve rolled up) and took out a cigarette and lit one up in front of me. He still didn't say anything at this point and what seemed like forever he finally broke the silence and said spoke after the first long drag on his cigarette. He looks at me and tells me, "Mike Schmidt is a better ballplayer than Mookie will ever be and that I should be a Phillies fan and try to support the local fans and not the fan folks that live in another state. If that's who you're going to pick (he does a long drag on the cigarette at this point-(they say kids never notice what their parents do-hogwash!) then you have to realize that people will pick on you for that so just remember to ignore them the same way that I ignore who your mom likes.....those damn Yankees (he says in a yelling voice loud enough for mom to hear)." My Father took a long drag again and then just gave me that crazy eyed stare again and picked up the newspaper and resumed reading it. As I started to walk away into the dinning room on the way to the kitchen I heard him say to me from behind the newspaper, "You know the Mets are not that good of a ball team son!" I simply replied as I was walking into the kitchen, "Love you Dad!" Needless to say his so called "advice" that he was giving to me was advice that I didn't quite care about or understand all that much but it seemed to have made him bothered and for that last very strange reason I liked it. I knew my Father didn't like who I picked and thus began the latter stage of a child's life that every parent dreads..........the rebellious years (que star wars music)!

The funny thing is that's the only time that I can recall my Father ever saying anything at all to me about my selection of sports teams. Perhaps at that time maybe I had broken the old man's heart and crushed the hopes and dreams he may have had of me being a Phillies fan like him and that I was robbing him of that tradition of passing down the father's "like of teams" to the son so to speak. I often wondered if Dad ever knew that even though I was liking the Mets, I was silently rooting along with him for the Phillies the very few times we would sit together and watch the Phillies play on tv. I remember the last game we had watched together was shortly before my parents divorce on my tenth birthday and during the game Mike Schmidt had just crushed a home-run ball into the upper deck of veterans stadium and I turned toward Dad and all I said to him was, "I bet Mike Schmidt is probably the best 3rd base baseball player in baseball." He looked at me with that infamous "far off stare" for about five to ten seconds and then he just simply smiled. He didn't question me or make any movements. He didn't say anything else during the game we were watching together. He was just sitting there on his chair, smiling. 

My Father has never said anything else ever about my selection of my favorite sports teams in the last 32 years since that day I expressed to him who I liked in terms of a baseball team. Of course he's never really discussed it with me since then and I have never really asked him about it. My Father and I have never really spoken all that much after the divorce. Oh we've talked a time or two every 10 years and I've always left the door open in hopes of a reconciliation. It's a relationship that is broken and to this very day is still unfortunately broken. Perhaps though one day my Father and I can make it to a Phillies/Mets ball game and just simply enjoy a seventh inning stretch together. And it doesn't really matter who wins or who loses but know heart bleeds blue for the Mets, but silently I would be rooting for the Phillies. 

ON DECK: How I became a Blue Jays fan 

Sunday, October 4, 2015


HE'S ALIVE I TELL YOU............................ALIVE! seems as if I had fallen off of the grid so to speak. It's as if I was swallowed up by the big black hole and came out on the other side as a combination of myself and the Big Kahuna (think of the Maximilian death scene from The Black Hole movie):

Where have I been all this time you ask? For I had taken part on the most epic of a journey. I had taken up my yoke and sailed out to the edge of the far galaxy and crossed over to the threshold of what most men that are not drunken would perhaps dare call it........insanity. From the most foulest gut wrenching turn of events that led me into NOT the twilight zone (or Twilight movies), but the most sacrilegious events of all times that is more epic than GODZILLA eating a town of vegetarians and being stuck on hold with PETA wanting to file a's otherwise known as: the management position! Yes folks.......the Big Kahuna has had his name carved a little bit higher on the totem pole and since having that done, there has been much greater responsibilities that comes with having your name carved higher on the mountain. Responsibilities such as:

1. Sacrificing TRI LAMBDA
2. Overseeing towns people. 
3. Giving comfort and knowledge to those who are seeking advice and even if they don't want it they will get it regardless of how many times they BOW AND GROVEL AT MY FEET!
4. See number 1 but add: and to me also
5. Oversee the greatest of contracts and bending of the wills.
6. Still buy cards and drive myself insane (daily ritual-insane)   

So know this........I am alive and you shall see that I have not forsaken my quest to make Topps Customer service department cringe. This journey we have started will be soulless and will gnash it's teeth at the mindless stiffs (the Republicans and Democrats). Then I will introduce you to a new segment on here called: MY WALLETS PAIN FOR YOUR PLEASURE! WELCOME TO THE TERROR THAT IS KNOWN AS: 


Sacrifice your cards today!

Big K