Sunday, October 23, 2016

ALL HAIL THE GOAT!!!

The Big Kahuna has come down from the mountain to spread the word across the land and to share thoughts on the upcoming 2016 MLB World Series and will now finish up sacrificing virgins to address the masses:




 The Big Kahuna Speaks now.......(silence you fools):

"For I have had a dream....and in this dream there was a vision.....a vision of Babe Ruth. He stood there (while eating a hot dog with one hand and holding a 40oz in the other) and spoke so firmly at me these following words (while chunks of hot dog buns were being spewed upon me from him speaking)":

"Here in the afterlife Big Kahuna we know how things will turn out. Ty Cobb was going to tell you these words but unfortunately he's still stuck in hell reliving every day that he beat up the one arm fan in the bleachers by being beaten up by a pack of one arm horned demons with barb-wired baseball bats so they sent me instead to share these words of wisdom with you.":

Babe pulls a paper out of his pants pocket and the paper has scribble on it. Babe puts his hand into his other pocket and pulls out 2 hot dogs and begins to chow down.





"Sorry but these hot dogs are so good and I was hungry."

"Wait a minute Big Kahuna. Before I share these words with you I need another hot dog and a rub down."





(Big Kahuna waiting patiently)


 

 "Just a minute Big Kahuna.....Oh this is soooooooogood. I gotta have dessert too you know."


TMZ BREAKING NEWS STORY: The Big Kahuna grows impatient and decides to shave the top portion of his head while he's waiting on Babe Ruth's spirit to finish eating!


"For crying out loud RUTH....your balls are foul so get on with it!"



"Ok Big Kahuna. I've got my milk and a "cookie" for later (gotta feed the crabs too you know). Ok where was I....oh yeah....the message. This is what I am to share with you:

Babe shows me a picture that is on the paper:


"The great and powerful Chicago Cubs goat will sit back in silence and watch as the world series unfolds. He had been tasked with the job of keeping the Chicago Cubs baseball team unbalanced and sad for many years and was ultimately created to deprive the Cubs of ever winning another World Series championship. But the goat is puzzled. He is bothered by how well the team is playing this year. He wonders if he should let them get so far and then pop up like a big surprise in one of the many forms he likes to present himself in.......in a form of a...... say oh I dunno..... like when he popped up in the form of Steve Bartman perhaps. The goat was pondering and pondering and thinking and the goat thought perhaps this year he will take a vacation instead and allow the team to share in the joy of winning a championship because he knows that the people of Chicago deserve a champion team. But then the goat looks at how Cleveland is playing this year and is impressed with how they are on fire right now and knows that they are worthy of a World Championship as well. The goat takes a deeper look into his feelings and has sympathy for the people of Cleveland because he knows that the Cleveland Browns will NEVER EVER win a championship and bring glory to the masses. The goat then realizes that the Cleveland Cavaliers won a championship this year and it has already brought some happiness to the people of Cleveland. Then the goat realizes that the people of Chicago are still suffering from the White Sox failing to bring a championship to the windy city and the Blackhawks failing to win the Stanley Cup and this makes the goat think, "perhaps this year will finally be the year that the Chicago Cubs shall be allowed to win a world series."

The question at hand Big Kahuna is will the goat be turned into a sandwich specialty at Slyman's restuarant by the Indians so that they can end their amazing season on a feast of World Championship champagne and BBQ goat or will the Cubs finally be freed from this everlasting curse of World Series Championship denial and proudly drink from their highly hoisted bottles of championship champagne and serve the Indians up like a specialty sandwich from Au Cheval and end the years of misery and finally put the "goat" in the pasture for good."

The Babe folds up his piece of paper and puts it back into his pocket and then snaps his fingers and in the blink of an eye, the Babe and myself are staring at a kitchen table with cereal on it. The Babe sits down and begins........AGAIN..........EATING!
 

It is at this moment I awaken from my dream and I come to realize that in my hand was a spoon and the paper from which the Babe had spoken from.

SO, it is now on this very day in the year of YOUR LORD (that's me), I will decree to you......the people (my peeps), the followers of mine (my worshipers), to the masses among us..............IT IS ON THIS VERY DAY THAT I WILL DECLARE the winner of the 2016 MLB World Championship series (In 5 games) is going to be ............................................................................................................................................................


 "OH MY GOD......he did not say that"

"Yep.....the Chicago Cubs hope and dreams of a world series title for this year .............. and it's gone"





Because here's your winner folks

RICKY "Wild Thing" Vaughn and the Tribe will be the winners.

The "TRIBE" has spoken and the word is decreed (funny we just noticed that we're the tribe too-see it's predestined to happen!).

Big Kahuna







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