Thursday, June 24, 2010

The "Dad Moms"

Sometimes us "Dads" can have moments where we have more than our hands full if our wife or girlfriend is working opposite schedules of us and then we find ourselves being the "Mom" for the daylight or evening hours. It’s even more fun to have our hands extra full when we have two or more children to comfort, shuttle to games, giving hugs to, applying band aids, making supper for, planning evening activities, bath time, reading bedtime stories, drinks of water, cleaning up and making sure everything is in order so Mom doesn’t have to clean up when she comes home. So to help us "Dads" out a little and perhaps understand what the ladies in our lives go through everyday, here’s an "ABC’S" of the daily Dadmom:

A is for Allocate. You wash the dishes while having Ben dry them while Jen puts them away. This is not just a chore, but it’s fun as well because the children will usually end up being more wet than what the dishes were coming out of the dishpan.

B is for band-aids. You will need these at all times. These make little fears disappear. Like kisses these will also make tears stop instantly. These will also be necessary for when even Bobo, the pet goldfish has mysteriously crawled out of the fish tank and had bitten your three-year-old daughter’s finger (according to her testimony. The fish is unavailable for a comment).

C is for ABC Checklist. Unless it has sports scores on it or how to make something more powerful, most of us men will forget the "what to do lists or ABC checklist". This is very vital that we keep this list in sight at all times. Uncompleted lists can result in no kisses from the wife! Throw the penalty flag for husband/male like conduct!

D is for diapers. Don’t forget to change them or you may regret it later.

E is for excessive. Don’t just stop at cleaning the house. Clean the garage and take out the trash as well.

F is for forgiveness. They (the children) really don’t mean to write over your freshly painted wall. They don’t mean to stuff the bologna sandwich you made them 2 days ago into the VCR deck. They don’t mean to have your computer talking to you and writing in three different languages other than English.

G is for Grill. When all else fails in the kitchen, this amazing structure will bring hungry tummies calling. Men are born with an extra chromosome known as the 25th G chromosome. Men can prepare anything on the grill including Chili. No other directions are necessary at this point.

H is for hats. Collect all of these up after your children have tried on each one making for some quite memorable pictures.

I is for Ice cream. This substance (like the band aids) will solve any problem.

J is for Jesus. Make sure you teach the children about what he has done for us.

K is for Kool Aid. Due to the high sugar content, avoid giving this drink mix to children after 7pm. Side effects are hypersensitivity and excessive bouncing on beds and off of the walls and staying up until Mommy gets home which can produce serious "no kisses" overtones.

L is for Love. You can never give enough of this!

M is for mixing. Any vegetable can be mixed with mashed potatoes (see son or daughter for details).

N is for nurse. You will have to tend to broken planes and scraped knees. You may also have to nurse Bobo the pet goldfish back to health after being sucked up into the sweeper because you casually mentioned to your 3-year-old son that you needed to "clean the fish tank".

O is for off. Make sure the TV is in the off position at all times.

P is for paint. Let the children paint pictures for on the fridge and for in your office. There really is such things as a "green sun". And don't worry about the golden retriever you used to have....nothing says, "different" like a purple retriever.

Q is for quiet. Quiet time is for us after the children are asleep. This does mean an option to turn on ESPN and quietly read the ticker scores with the volume turned down.

R is for reading. Make sure you read the children two bedtime stories. Make sure you read over the checklist. Make sure you read your Bible.

S is soap. This will be required for making bubble baths that flow out of the tub and down the steps.

T is for Tantrums. It can be frustrating and there may be name-calling. Objects may be thrown. However, we men must still read the instructions booklet for putting some things together and read the checklists no matter how much intuition us men have. These tantrums must be avoided. Check on the kids for assistance.

U is for Upright. All of the books that were taken off of the shelves will need to be put back in the upright position. This includes the fish tank as well.

V is for VCR. Check the VCR for sandwiches, toys, backward tapes, fish and various vegetables that are easily placed in the cassette slot by "little hands".

W is for wife. Make sure there’s a meal prepared for her. Roses (or flower mixture) in a vase on the table. Make sure the house is cleaned. Make sure she’s got chocolate cheesecake in the fringe (extra kisses for you!). Make sure you pray for her!

X is for … the missing chromosome in us men that was replaced by the 25th G chromosome (see G above).

Y is for Yard. Make sure the toys are picked up and put away. Make sure the yard doesn’t have any hazards in case of cutting the grass. Half a G.I. Joe is not good to play with. The other half that was projectiled through your neighbor’s window via courteously of your lawnmower is not a good thing either.

Z is for ZZZZ. That’s what your wife will probably hear from you when she walks in the door.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

As the husband of a nurse, I can only imagine how much I'll need this list when we have children. Quite a few already apply now...